So JDitty and myself like to do our own MST3K on ridiculous trailers (next time: Vantage Point … STOP! Go back!). Anyway, here we spend far more than the trailer’s two-and-a-half-minutes making fun of a horrible trailer, for an evidently piss-poor film, that does such a wonderful job of obeying the The Big Book of Trailer Cliche Moments and Tired Devices. I may leave this up for a while, so enjoy...



0:04 "Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13". This movie is inappopriate for humans of any ages, under the Trade Descriptions Act labelling it Entertainment.

0:06 Cue upbeat, fun, cheesy music

0:10 Jack explains he runs "hospitals, not health spas ... two beds to a room, no exceptions"

0:36 Oh-so-clever: the irony of "No exceptions" dawns on Jack when he himself becomes afflicted with a disease that makes him bed-ridden. And he has to share a room. How the mighty have fallen.

0:44 Jack calls Morgan Freeman "zombie boy"

0:50 we discover why the movie is called Bucket List. It isn't anything to write home about.

0:56 Jack Nicholson uses the term "cutesy". Jack Nicholson is 70 years old.

1:02 Joe Cocker gets us "Feeling' Alright" every time. Awesome.

1:03 Jack and Morgan go sky-diving. Hilarity ensues.

1:07 Morgan Freeman: "I hate your rotten guts". Fuck Walther Matthau and Jack Lemmon ... could Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson be the Odd Couple for the New Millennium (TM)?

1:20 Exotic Locale #1: Great Wall Of China. On Motorcycle. Rob Reiner wants us to know that a $45M budget buys you two Oscar winning actors (four Oscars between them) and a crew that will travel to the far ends of the earth to bring you is “art”.

1:21 Morgan: "I got 45 years greased up under the hood of a car...". No way?! The black man has a working class job, and tons of insight about life's true meaning. Maybe the wealthy white man, for all his material possessions, doesn't get life or true happiness. Maybe this thematic device has never been explored before in a film.

1:33 Morgan: What are you so afraid of? Jack: Just because I told you my story, does not invite you to be a part of it! Best. Line. EVER.

1:38 Sad music. Tonal change. Because Rob Reiner wants us to remember that movies about the terminally ill aren't all fun and games.

1:42 "Dear Edward" says a no-doubt-posthumous Morgan Freeman. This may be the first time anyone's had him do a voice-over.

1:45 Locale #2: Taj Mahal

1:46 "A Film By Rob Reiner", who was only good in the 80s. And whose lack of vision is trying to cater to the baby-boomers, via movies about facing old age and life's past mistakes. *Yawn*

1:51 Locale #3: The Pyramids

1:55 The sad music evolves into something more uplifting. Because life is a roller-coaster like that.

1:59 JACK TORRANCE IS STILL ALIVE! Nicholson reminds us that he still remembers The Shining and that he can be creepy in ANYTHING.

2:02 "We live. We died. And the wheels on the bus go round and round." That's what happens when the white man tries to be wise and deep.

2:08 Jack meets the granddaughter he never knew he had, and decades of being a neglectful and selfish father are forgotten as he redeems himself before kicking the bucket. Touching. And definitely something we should learn from a PREVIEW.

2:15 The Post-Title Final Trailer Gag, an underused device: "Nobody cares what you think". Because it's Jack from "Will And Grace". And he's gay. And Nicholson's old. And Jack Nicholson playing a cantankerous homophobe was not explored in As Good As It Gets.

This movie opened at #1. Shame on America.