Wednesday, March 12, 2008

WOW! JCVD is here! Jean-Claude Van Damme sees the Muscles From Brussells playing a fictionalised version of himself in this comedy that is a lot more tongue in cheek than Sly reprising Rambo. This trailer made me laugh a lot, though I couldn't bear the thought of sitting through the attached movie...

Monday, March 10, 2008

Swayze Update:
Whoopi Goldberg seizes opportunity to snatch limelight and comiserates her Ghost co-star. Elsewhere Patrick Swayze becomes the most searched for person on IMDB, overtaking recent Oscar-winner Daniel Day-Lewis.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Roland Emmerich's next feature will be the incredibly inventive 2012, which "is in the vein of The Day After Tomorrow", a phrase that sent at least three people into fits of excitement. The title references the year in which the Mayan calendar ends, and will be about the world going through "upheaval as the apocalypse comes closer". In layman's terms, the German-born Emmerich has contrived another high-and-thin-concept effects-laden science-fiction actioner that will give him an excuse to blow up and destroy things, as well as kill many faceless Americans (see also: Stargate, Independence Day, Godzilla and the afore-mentioned The Day After Tomorrow). Hold your breath.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Alleged actress Jenny McCarthy is preaching that dieting can help autism. This may have some sort of medical basis, but the Lingerie Bowl star travelling around the country giving speeches is not going to help the cause. "It's so heartbreaking to see the medical community not support something called diet and vitamins", exclaimed Jim Carrey's current squeeze, who also wrote the "script" for her vehicle Dirty Love. "And it pains us, city after city ... These kids are getting better and I will not shut up and will not stop fighting about it." Sidenote: McCarthy's is in post-production on the sure-fire-critical-hit Wieners, out later this year.

Oh, and Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer. It's probably too soon for jokes, but I was just priming you for them.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

"Fucking Love Guru" stakes claim on "Fucking Giles" as catch-phrase

When I was 12, I had a crush on Pamela Anderson. This is true. I bought a magazine called EMPIRE, because she was on the front. In some ways this was a turning point in my history of living and breathing cinema. Ten years on, EMPIRE magazine is barely the beacon of critical correctness or Holy Land of Taste that it was when they twice within a year displayed the Barb Wire star's greatest assets on their front cover.

Take for instance their reaction to the Love Guru trailer:



Empire describes this trailer as "pretty dang funny", claiming that the "lot of hints of Austin Powers in tone" is "absolutely no bad thing". But their credibility is surely undermined by a claim such as "there are few things more amusing than very small people being hit in the head" (referring to Verne "Mini-Me" Troyer's appearance as ... well ... a comedic device small person).

See my reaction would be different.

I don't know if it's the lack of a single funny joke, the tired midget humor, the insulting "one time in college" lesbian gag, or worst of all JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IN TIGHT SPEEDOS, but this is shit. With a capital crap. I am sure Monsieur Myers' total lack of attempt to simulate a realistic accent or aesthetic will be overlooked by about $100M worth of cinema-goers. Fuckers. Meanwhile don't listen to me, cos I just admitted that Pamela Anderson got me into movies.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Is Michel Gondry the new Melies?

To celebrate the release of Be Kind, Rewind (which I haven't seen yet), here is a brief Michel Gondry clip special.

First up, he has sweded (i.e. poorly remade) his own trailer for the afore-mentioned movie. This is very clever, and post-modern. And layered. He also plays all the roles. Which is genius.



This is turn reminded me of the last time I paid attention to a video he released, which was the infamous "Michel Gondry Solves A Rubik's Cube With His Feet":



This is turn elicited this slightly over-analytical response from this weirdo: