Stephen King's a cheap hack whore, Lohan's a manipulative whore, Jane Seymour's a party whore.

Stephen King has, to my utter astonishment, revealed that he doesn't "care that much at all" about the quality of film adaptations of his work. He of The Boogeyman, Thinner and The Mangler 2 fame. Regardless, whilst more talented writers are optioning their output for millions, King sold rights to his “Dark Tower” series to equally hacky J. J. Abrams for $19. Which is more than I would have paid. "I really want to see this," King said at a recent convention. "It's this story where all these guys are screaming and attacking, like in 300, and they're the last bunch of guys holding out, and the guys against them all [have] blue faces, like Mel Gibson in Braveheart”. Sounds fantastic.

Lindsay Lohan served a mere 83 minutes in jail, coincidentally the exact length of her 2002 opus Get A Clue. She did not, however, have time to watch Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, which is what she really wanted to do. Out in time for lunch, Lohan negotiated community service instead of more jail time. The Mean Girl has also been indulging in some light reading; photographers have snapped her carrying a book entitled ‘Blood’.

Bond Girl Jane Seymour has received complaints from neighbours about the late-night parties at her mansion. Dr. Quinn has a 24-hour entertainment license for her country abode, and rents it out to celebs like Robbie Williams for $28k/wk. Now at 56 years young, she will be brought to Magistrates’ Court on “raucous behaviour” charges. Considering that Radiohead used it to record OK Computer, I hope it is protected under some Historical Edifice Act.

Movie #3410
Scenes Of A Sexual Nature
Ed Blum, 2006, UK
Upon release, Cosmopolitan claimed it as “the best British romantic comedy about sexual politics this year”. Note it takes six qualifiers in order to attach the word Best. And not one less. So boring and misjudged.