Movies You Should Know To Miss

Sometimes in our dullest moments we gravitate to whatever steaming pile of so-called filmmaking is found on cable television in order to achieve some sort of mental catharsis or drift farther into a comatose phase of ridiculous media consumption. This weekend I found myself watching snippits of the great 2005 Sony release, "Stealth." Perhaps a vehicle to promote U.S. technological military dominance or more likely a reason to put doofuses Jessica Biel, Josh Lucas and Jamie Foxx into a "Top Gun" meets "2001" sci-fi action adventure! Too bad there wasn't a beach volleyball scene.
I'm going to spoil this movie for whoever hasn't seen it, which you shouldn't. For those who have, let us laugh about the following moments of brilliant cinema:
-Gratuitous Biel in bikini scene. Did I mention it was at a pristine waterfall in Thailand. Makes perfect sense militarily.
-Jamie Foxx dying pretty early in the film. (Reminiscent of "Executive Decision," a film billed as a Steven Segal vehicle even though he dies in the first 20 minutes. Keep in mind this was Foxx's first release following the Oscar win.) The crash sequence was done in absurd slow-motion revealing the obvious model that was filling in for the high-speed computer generated plane Foxx was seen in moments prior.
-Jessica Biel's 5-minute descent to earth after ejecting from her ship's explosion, which entailed her narrating the whole thing. "4,000 feet!" "There's flaming wreckage all around me!" "I'm coming in to fast!"
-The stealth ship has a monotone voice oddly familiar to some similarly plotted film of a computer developing consciousness. The computer, named EDI, spoken "Eddie," had a glowing reddish blue orb-like eye that it could see out of and overhear conversations between the treacherous career-driven commander and his subordinate, the charmingly strong-minded ace fighter pilot, Josh Lucas.
-The subsequent relationship that unfolds between EDI and Lucas, a sort of techno buddy picture, as they are out to save the "behind enemy lines in North Korea" Biel, all the while scorning the treacherous commanding officer.
-A sweet rock 'n' roll soundtrack that seems to accompany EDI as he flies about the world.
-Surprise! Director Rob Cohen was also responsible for such expertly edited/acted/produced/shot/written films as "Fast and the Furious," "Daylight," and "xXx." Additionally this film was made in cooperation with the U.S. Navy. I wonder if that has anything to do with its pro-military bent?

from Shadie: My favourite bit is the last line.
MALE DOUCHEBAG: You know, me and you ... we're two. And two's a prime number. Which makes it a lucky number. (Pause) I guess what I'm trying to say is we're really lucky.
JESSICA BIEL: Shut up and tell me you love me, you pussy.
T H E E N D
What the fuck does that mean?!